sorrow, nounSo, I think most people instinctively think of a spectrum of good or bad emotions, like a spectrum from blue to red. But I think there’s another axis that’s more important: blankness to intensity. At one end is depression, in which everything feels dead, even the big things. At the other end is wonder, in which everything feels alive, even the little things.
1. an unspoken intensity of feeling.
2. a spark of transcendence that punctuates the flatlining banality of everyday life.
3. a healthy kind of ache—like the ache in your muscles after hard exercise—that reminds you that your body exists.
As a bit of trivia, the word sad originally meant “full, sated.” Which means satisfaction and sadness are cousins, both etymologically and emotionally. - dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com
I have never enjoyed the question, "Are you happy?" , "Are you okay?" as though finding some tension-less state will bring about the desired function. Indeed, I have seen far too many people okay, far too often, comfortable in meritocracy, the meager demeanor of simply being, without truly being.
I struggle for the words that can connect together what I feel right now. I have gone through so many shifts of perception, pains and loss it's difficult to form the words that express exactly how I feel.
The truth is I am in a lot of transition pain right now.
I found standard work again after being away from it and in that finding there have been many tears drawn. I am left wondering how people can do this, this work, for a lifetime.
There is not a single regret of all the time I spent exploring the world without work. Now I have found it again, I question it, wonder what is it's use?
So many items that people see as necessary, I do not. I am not sure what to do with the money from this thing called work.
Yet, I continue.
Perhaps, not because of the money, but the struggle.
That there is something greater to be found that cents and dollars here?
I am not sure. It is an intensity that is difficult to define.
I know I am not okay. The tears will testify of that. But, perhaps that is greater than the okay?
I seek meaning in this all, that is the greatest hope. Not so much to be okay, but rather, to know why and how.
I want to be interested, drawn, depending on something greater than more change, more than O.K.
I will press this life and squeeze it again to see what doors next shall open. I will face my fears and name them accordingly.
O.K. ?
O.K.
I struggle for the words that can connect together what I feel right now. I have gone through so many shifts of perception, pains and loss it's difficult to form the words that express exactly how I feel.
The truth is I am in a lot of transition pain right now.
I found standard work again after being away from it and in that finding there have been many tears drawn. I am left wondering how people can do this, this work, for a lifetime.
There is not a single regret of all the time I spent exploring the world without work. Now I have found it again, I question it, wonder what is it's use?
So many items that people see as necessary, I do not. I am not sure what to do with the money from this thing called work.
Yet, I continue.
Perhaps, not because of the money, but the struggle.
That there is something greater to be found that cents and dollars here?
I am not sure. It is an intensity that is difficult to define.
I know I am not okay. The tears will testify of that. But, perhaps that is greater than the okay?
I seek meaning in this all, that is the greatest hope. Not so much to be okay, but rather, to know why and how.
I want to be interested, drawn, depending on something greater than more change, more than O.K.
I will press this life and squeeze it again to see what doors next shall open. I will face my fears and name them accordingly.
O.K. ?
O.K.