theabsurdity of self, other, collective realization has taken me on far different paths beyond all the daze that have been consumed on impressing others pushing pixels in attempt to make sense of the madness, to even, possibly heal something.
This blog started as a spiritual healing journey with Age of Aquarius Network AOAN.ORG (which now redirects to a reddit community), blossoming into some other varieties before becoming Healmonics.
There is no great speech to be had. I gave plenty of those in the 350+ others posts.
Seek them at will.
I am needed elsewhere. This is the end of this blog. It will still be here for archival purposes at http://healmonics.blogspot.com/ , but not updated.
There is a bird which frequents a stop into my camp site, gentle small and curious. They hop in through the entrance, gleefully chirping and picking up any scraps to be found from the droppings of cereal that the mice haven't taken for their own.
This bird amazed me when it first hopped in and continues to treat me with it's kind curiosities from time to time in my reflections at the most welcomed times.
It is these small moments, the moments with the birds that bring about a sense that there is far more to the workings of life, living, becoming, being than a single mind could ever conceive upon in it's wildest wonders.
Had you told me years before now my journey, my destination to this point, I don't know if I could accept the lot of it all. It seems so simple, yet immense in it's understanding. Inner, outer, all. Beautiful.
Little birds.
I have learned to trust the little birds, to stop fearing the unknown shadows that are cast, to fly free, at last, knowing that whatever comes is meant to enliven a soul that yearns to learn, to grow, to become.
I rejoice in my health, most of all, finding that I have been able to overcome so much more when I let go of what was expected of me and instead made the expectation my own to own and redeem.
Climbing the hill to go home in the reaches of Forest Park has at times been trying, but also given me an amazing healthy body to rejoice in. In my flights recently on the bicycle, I recently did over 100 miles this last week, with a total of 1,200 miles since March 18th of this year on the biketown bikes largely to explore new places in the reaches the greater Portland area including Powell Butte and Sauvie Island.
As I am in wonder of all these things, a gratitude overcomes me for this moment, this time, this point in my life.
Indeed, there is much uncertainty, more chaos in the world than I have ever known.
Yet, as I follow the lead of the little bird, flying, flowing freely upon this journey and finding I am not alone in this, no matter how little in comparison to the vastness of it all.
The bicycle helps me realize this and has become my wings to explore self, others and the flow of it all.
When all the songs have been sang, sung, done;
When all that was, is and has been;
All that remains is love. All you need is love.
To become, to be as you are was a manifestation
of love - for no matter where you are right now, it was an act of love that brought you forth to be at this place, this space, this point in the journey.
sorrow, noun 1. an unspoken intensity of feeling. 2. a spark of transcendence that punctuates the flatlining banality of everyday life. 3. a healthy kind of ache—like the ache in your muscles after hard exercise—that reminds you that your body exists.
So,
I think most people instinctively think of a spectrum of good or bad
emotions, like a spectrum from blue to red. But I think there’s another
axis that’s more important: blankness to intensity. At one end is
depression, in which everything feels dead, even the big things. At the
other end is wonder, in which everything feels alive, even the little
things. As a bit of trivia, the word sad originally meant “full, sated.” Which means satisfaction and sadness are cousins, both etymologically and emotionally. - dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com
I have never enjoyed the question, "Are you happy?" , "Are you okay?" as though finding some tension-less state will bring about the desired function. Indeed, I have seen far too many people okay, far too often, comfortable in meritocracy, the meager demeanor of simply being, without truly being.
I struggle for the words that can connect together what I feel right now. I have gone through so many shifts of perception, pains and loss it's difficult to form the words that express exactly how I feel.
The truth is I am in a lot of transition pain right now.
I found standard work again after being away from it and in that finding there have been many tears drawn. I am left wondering how people can do this, this work, for a lifetime.
There is not a single regret of all the time I spent exploring the world without work. Now I have found it again, I question it, wonder what is it's use?
So many items that people see as necessary, I do not. I am not sure what to do with the money from this thing called work.
Yet, I continue.
Perhaps, not because of the money, but the struggle.
That there is something greater to be found that cents and dollars here?
I am not sure. It is an intensity that is difficult to define.
I know I am not okay. The tears will testify of that. But, perhaps that is greater than the okay?
I seek meaning in this all, that is the greatest hope. Not so much to be okay, but rather, to know why and how.
I want to be interested, drawn, depending on something greater than more change, more than O.K.
I will press this life and squeeze it again to see what doors next shall open. I will face my fears and name them accordingly.
This is where I give the introduction, an induction to that inward projection of that eye, outer, inner, that singular I, which allows me to open my doorways of perception to that hue of you which is you cast from the same source of light that is life that breathes life into both of us.
In reflection.
Someday, when the doors of perception are cleansed and consciousness knows not the boundaries of the womb, nor the quiver of the flesh; we shall, as once perceive the suffering that is mine and I, yours and you, and in this knowledge we shall share in the wisdom of suffering overcome, not individually, but collectively as a single unit of life in the body of the Beloved.
In that space how true the testament of love shall be given when we truly alive and living beyond our bodies boundaries can utter in quiet hushed words reflecting on the pains, sorrows, joys, happiness and all states in between, "I understand."
To understand the authorship of a past, the narration of a present and the projection of a future as one, infinite and eternal round with the purpose to understand Divine Love.
In that Divine Love, life becoming the dream passing in the wake where the judgment for a life lived comes not from without, but within understanding the condition of lessons learned, a life lived and a realization of all living life, light.
What shall be said when you find the wake that passes you from one body to the next?
z.
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But the key is to understand that I am not alone in this burning - life is chaos and in that chaos we all get burnt, we all have to sacrifice to discover not what we desire, but what our soul desired purpose is to become.
In all this pain, suffering, it is my hope that in some way it has unlocked some of that conundrum of the complex lives that have touched upon mine.
That my suffering has meaning to the soul of others, and yours to mine.
“What is to give light must endure burning.” ―
Viktor E. Frankl,
Man's Search for Meaning
Most of all, this journey has taught me when I have been pulled taut to simply let go and let the Divine, the Beloved Om reverberate that song which finds peace in the middle of the chaos.
I am shifting down after conquering 730 mile hitch-hiking journey, year long forest life, white tantra spirituality shift, break ups with significant others, state, faith, family and a last name change.
I too, have also felt, as many of you have, the global and universal pulse of frustrations on so many levels.
I too, have spent countless moments wondering what I can do in the wake of the chaotic upheaval.
It leads me to ask that question that presses upon as a cool wind in a starless night - "Who Are You?" ..and in knowing who you are, "What Shall Be Done?" ..and to, in turn answer it by holding space, as there are no simple answers to be had right now.
I yearn for the healing heart of the fourth chakra, the Christ
Consciousness and Sacred Feminine to bring me to life anew in the womb
of awakening.
I desire in this, to give rise to others lives, too as inspirations from light found.
Underneath the flesh lies the truth: A cosmic astrological compilation of the unified sacred feminine and sacred masculine trying to match the inner world with the outer world.
In discovering this balance the rise of feminism, environmentalism and other isms have taken hold to attempt to answer that balance. However, these alone, are not enough to satisfy the balance of the Sacred Androgyny, an union between the Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine.
For to replace a patriarchal order with a matriarchal order only presents itself as a new imbalance and disorder of misplaced power.
As such, I do not consider myself a feminist, or any sense of any ist or ism. For ists and isms are often the containers of ideologies that only shine their light and darkness on a small faction, shadows of the solution.
What we are seeing today is the last cry of the patriarchal order gone out of control, a phallic in decline and out of balance in relation to the matriarch which demands that safe spaces, love and respect for life be given.
I no doubt we will swing, rather soon, to a matriarchal order. The question is, in this shift do we merely mimic that patriarchal power struggle or, perhaps, break apart these two archs and from their ruin find the unification in the egalitarian?
Consider an egalitarian system based on the Sacred Androgyny where the Sacred Feminine and Sacred Feminine unite:
• Instead of immediately naming babies, allowing them to find their own name.
• Instead of taking on a last name of another in marriage, both people create a new name.
• Instead of assuming the flesh connection, considering as mentioned, the astrological connection.
• Instead of claiming one gender better than another, allowing both genders to display their greatest strengths - beyond the flesh.
• Beginning a cultural flush that values as Martin Luther King Jr. spoke, "by the content of their character."
The pendulum has already begun swinging and I no doubt in my lifetime soon I will see greatly, without question, the complete shift from the patriarchal order to the matriarchal order.
It is my hope it doesn't remain there, that we are to challenge ourselves to find that space in the yin-yang as the ultimate desire - the wu-ji, the Sacred Androgyny, where the female spirit unites with the male spirit and they become one.
Now, it is not expected for each single person to represent this androgyny, to do so would be to formulate another ists or ism that casts shadows, but doesn't create the greater light needed to solve the problem.
Rather, by focusing on the unification of the Sacred Union, we will rise from the ashes and embrace, each in our own ways, a dialogue that brings growth beyond measure.
Whatever your sacred life chant may be, I hope it brings the Divine Love that is sought in the deepest heart of hearts that we all share.
If I am to adorn a badge, title, or position of permanent fixity to the
character that is "I", it is my hope that it be 'light', that source
which we all illuminate when given life.
That life, my light: my
own being, touching and being touched by others largely in the
unthinkable, unspoken, hushed vast tones that stirs, mixes, meshes all
gradients of all into an interwoven tapestry.
of one.
In
this share of light in the tapestry of interwoven purposes there is no
desire to change the will of another, rather, there is a pressing
desire to open passages, doorways of perception, to bring about the
dharma wheel of invitation on its own free will turning to enter into
any of those infinite passages, not only the ones I claim for personal
enlightenment.
For me to claim any of the spiritual stirrings
and journeys in my own enlightenment as the only way to find light is an
egos entitlement, not the free willed souls enlightenment that is so
greatly sought.
Your path is your own to own - as is mine to
mine, and all paths in all facets in the sands of time. Let no one
take from you, me, us, this free willed pursuit towards bliss discovering the ultimate price that comes from pursuing the labors of love.
My
open doors, a sliver of light awakened in the seat of the souls eyes,
this impossible possibility, this is the purpose in my life: To
illuminate possibilities in the body, heart and mind individually and
collectively.
This is my Labor of Love, for which I have become before you in all of my explorations.
Yet,
even with this great purpose, this labor found from mountains climbed,
valleys transverse, I will be the first to claim I know a single drop
in the ocean of consciousness.
"Never surrender your hopes and dreams to the fateful limitations others have placed on their own lives. The vision of your true destiny does not reside within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the doom prophets. Judge not by their words, but accept advice based on the evidence of actual results. Do not be surprised should you find a complete absence of anything mystical or miraculous in the manifested reality of those who are so eager to advise you. Friends and family who suffer the lack of abundance, joy, love, fulfillment and prosperity in their own lives really have no business imposing their self-limiting beliefs on your reality experience.”
- Anthon St. Maarten
Fate is the painting from that which already is, was and has been done; a body, heart, mind where past present and future are one unto themselves, neither created nor destroyed, simply being fate.
Destiny is the the paint brush to give life to that body-reach, love to that heart-beat and wisdom to the mind-think; not changing the destination, but rather giving it meaning, purpose and place as it courses through the veins of the universal consciousness of collective and self realization.
As we allow ourselves the free ability of free flow recognizing the mastership of the craft of consciousness we go through the colors of life embracing something that stretches beyond the canvas that held us with our predestination challenging the definition of the Divine themselves.
It is then, in this unspoken place, where the worlds end and spill off into space that we, in hushed tones and elated screams, we wake up from the dreams as being floating in a space where we find union with the infinite body, the beloved heart and the expanded mind.
In that timeless time to realize all pains, sufferings, joys, bliss, whispers, screams, faith, beliefs as one place, purpose, peace, to help us understand that which is without time, constraint, walls, rules, principles, regulations, authority or lines to confine that which is
"Tantra is a wild mother tiger - if you approach her with right motivation, right
intention, and integrity, she'll suckle you at her breast; but if you
come to her in a sloppy way, she'll rip apart your body-mind, eat you
for dinner, and shit out what's left." - Prem Pranama
I have become ripped apart in my spiritual explorations, scattered like puzzle pieces
tossed to and fro as I have experienced some of the most intense, painful and
revealing emotions that have torn at my inner core in tears drawn from places deep
within. [I am grateful.]
I am grateful because the pain has shown me purpose and taught me the serious nature
of following your own path towards spiritual realization.
All tears split, anger given has built me to understand the depths of myself and
the world that surrounds me.
Never feeling content in the structures of a single established religion, the way
of the Tantra continues to teach me a spirituality that holds no limits & knows no
bounds.
Recently, I decided to let go of much of my White Tantra practice on the outside,
greatly internalizing it and seeking color.
As I have explored this new journey, greatly of abandonment of a rigid set
dual system (white and black) I came across an article that brought a humble
realization, an interview with Tantric Master Prem Pranama.
The interview in it's entirety is astounding, a great understanding of tantra
beyond the limited understanding that it has been given reaching deep into
the spectrum of possibility, giving reason to those colors which I had sought
"Light broken open by a prism displays the colors that are always its nature. Its essence is clear light and its nature is to manifest as the colors of the rainbow. Pure awareness is completely transparent like a sheet of glass. But when broken open, it displays the rainbow of colors or flavors that are the substance of manifestation. Pure awareness and the colors of Being are not in opposition or even in anyway two. They are aspects of singleness. So many spiritual paths inherently, though often subtly, negate world, body, and existence. They are always seeking to get elsewhere into the "light"failing to recognize that all is light. Spiritual systems often misinterpret bondage as resulting from being in form rather than from wrong view. Because of this, they wrongly assume that enlightenment means to be abstracted out of form into subtle realms or "pure" awareness. These spiritual systems try tone gate form and dissolve, or return, into the pre-form matrix of pure potentiality. This is possible and that radical act of transcending form is most blissful - but it is not enlightenment. Form and formless are not two; they are a single mystery. These systems are spiritualized forms of the dualistic delusion. Tantra, which in its true form is Advaitic (or non-dual), transcends this limitation. Tantra is wisdom gone wild embracing the totality of whatis.With Tantra you are not getting somewhere; you are just waking upto the true nature of things as they are. The colors inherent in clear light are not other than the light. The display whereby Being presents its limitless mystery is not other than the birthless and deathless pure mystery from which Being comes.." - Prem Pranama
The triangle prism, a representation of our being, male, female pointing to the great mystery
of the infinite.
The white light coming, only to be seen on a background of black, trials and tribulation, growth
and understanding.
The light exiting in vibrant brilliant colors, again, seen clearly in the contrast to the black backing.
All colors necessary, all having a place, purpose.
-
I am humbled, I bow before that which has given me this chance to become, to be, to find the healing, the growth on my own spiritual path.
I know nothing and in that nothingness, everything is illuminated, known and wise; holding a place, purpose and function.
What if? Ever take a spin on the multi-verse imaging what could have been and might be if the path taken was different than the one chosen? To suppose that perhaps another life was meant, that you were sent to take upon?
Perhaps, a longing to be someone else, an admiration of a finger print that never was but might be..
..rather than what is and has become.
When I think about this in it's enormity, this wave consumes me and I simply, must just let go to sublimation knowing that the makers heart holds me in all conditions.
Indeed, the more fears I face, the more darkness I stand against I find myself burning brighter, stronger with more conviction to overcome, to become, to be.
Not only have I seen this in myself, but in all the walking manifestations of life before me.
It's good to lose control, let go and let life live unfolding life like a map with no particular destination, only a proclamation of infinite explorations.
& in these explorations, wherever they take... in all of this...
in all this, I am grateful.
Jesus Christ is a title, more than a name, a single being. It's meaning is "the anointed one".
Within every being is the ability to resurrect themselves to a state of redemption,
to take upon the title and become anointed, to walk as the Jesus Christ.
The power to do so is not in a creed, a religious structure or box template but beating in your chest, giving rest to that breath, breathing life.
Buddha is also a title, more than a name, a single being. It's meaning is "awakened one".
Within every being is the ability to wake from the sleep of suffering,
to take upon the title and become alive, anew, to walk as the Buddha.
The power to do so is not in a creed, a religious structure or box template but beating in your chest, giving rest to that breath, breathing life.
You are Divine, a frequency of a collective consciousness giving rise to all rays of light, darkness and the beautiful brilliant sunsets of an eternal state.
Do you realize the power of this? Of you? Of those around you?
Your heart will set you free, if you allow it.
Nothing you give from the heart will ever be taken, only added to the calculation of a life lived and learned.
It's time to resurrect realization.
We are the Jesus Christ - We are the Buddha.
"I belong to the beloved,........................
have seen the two ............................. worlds as one and.............................. that one........................................... ..............................call to and know, first, last, outer, inner, ..............................only that breath breathing human being." - rumi
Have you realized your Divinity in all of its glorious colors and variations?
Have you redeemed your heart to discover once again the purpose of your soul?
What are you resurrecting?
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